Wonderment

I wonder alot these days...

I wonder about my choices in life and how things will turn out for me. I've been working back at the tree farm for three weeks now and everyday reminds me about how much I want to be a teacher, in a classroom, with my own students. Albeit, teaching isn't all blue skies and butterflies, thanks to mr. harris back in the 90s. Admin seems to often make life hellish for teachers, and then all they can do is bitch about it; nothing more.

I may go off on rants this post as I haven't written in a long while and I have a bit on my mind.

Like, Sharks. Why sharks? Why has this mysterious creature, and the ocean life in general, so recently captivated me? I watched a sad sad overview of the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexicoand it just got me thinking about them again. Events like this should never happen; I'm sure you'd agree. But they do, not as often and as tragic as this but I've tried to pay attention to the little things lately and things are changing. Like the weather. Hail, rain, sunshine, tornados, earthquakes and wind. Can somebody (and not an optomist or a pessimist but a realist) tell me whats going on? As a scientist I would appreciate to know and to understand.. As a human being I'm scared to be scared for my life and the future and the people in it.

Oh and the job search. How's that going? Hmmm well, it's not. What do I need to do to get a phone call? Can somebody tell me? Do I make an individual cover letter for each position, call the school to bug them about the position and then go there to bug them some more? Is it unusual that I am not getting any feedback on a job or am I just super lazy compared to everyone else and not trying hard enough?

What else.. Keeping up with the Spanish, thank goodness for the Mexicans at work. I'm also going to learn a third language, Sign Language. I am currently living with a lady who is deaf and her daughter who is hearing. I rarely see her daughter, but her and I often struggle through a conversation or two when we're home together. All new for me, as I have never tried to converse with the deaf. But you know, it's not all that bad. It's like when you're talking to someone who doesn't speak your language; really, they might as well not hear you at all right? Apart from the tone of your voice, you often have to signal for what you want right? Cool. Tri-lingual by 30.. Sorry mi novio, I'm sharing your goal!

I also want to creat another Bucket List. Alex and I made one in highschool which I have yet to source out and find again. All I remember is "Go skydiving" and "Fly to Paris and eat Crepes" check and check. Any thoughts?

Can't stand being away from the novio. Driving us both nuts not having our own place. Everyday we cry (not with tears) to eachother wishing we could be together. I mean, we're only 2 hours apart but come on, once a week is not enough. However, on the plus, being apart has kept us one of the only couple this crazy for eachother after 3 years that I know. Maybe I just notice that more though, cause I am in the relationship....

Been trying to keep myself busy on the weeknights. Playing Frisbee with friends of a friend on Wednesdays and trying to keep up with the mtbn (mountain biking).. Went tonight, fell on my side again bagh! Then went down snake and ladders again (by myself) and freaked right out. Made it though, without killing myself! Phew! You know I am such a talker; tomorrow I'll be like "Ya, snakes and ladders, that shit got nothin' o'me." Baaagh loser! I am a chicken, no doubt, but I did realize something and I think I'm pretty sure I knew this before: As soon as you start freaking out and doubting your results, you're done. I was lucky just to keep control! Keep the confidence, believe you're gunna do it, and ya, you're gunna do it. And then you can brag about it.

Mom's off to Paris. Au revoir mama! A bien to^t! Bon voyage! Thats about all the Francais I;ve got right about now. I hope she and her sister have a wicked time. What a beautiful city. I loved mostly the cheap good wine and the food. Oh man.

Feels good to be back, you know, to the blog. I know it's not much now that the Costa Rican adventure is done, but even if no one is reading, I'm feeling much better now that I've written a bit.

Until next time

M